You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
