The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
