So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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