just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
