I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
