You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
