Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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