I wish my penis had an off switch
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
