i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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