The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize