i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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