if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
