in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
