i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
