Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
