so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
