didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
