Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
