she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Acid is not a monday night drug
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
