I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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