I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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