True but thats because hes a fetus.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
