..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
