Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
