I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
