btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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