at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
