I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
