so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
