I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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