I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
