Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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