I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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