A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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