One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
