plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
