So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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