guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
