if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
