he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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