woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
