i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
