I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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