I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
