What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
