jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
birth control should be required to get into college
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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