so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
