her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
