i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
