Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just gift wrapped bread.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
