Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
